hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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