get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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