Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
