If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
