Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
