I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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