I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
