Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
