And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
