Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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