Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
and i looked up. we had an audience...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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