Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize