I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
