2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
