Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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