I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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