Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
