Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize