i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Randomize
