The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
But theres a keg here and me gusta
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
