Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
