your thong is hanging out like whoa
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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