I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
