i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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