Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
