I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
