pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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