I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
