My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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