You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
