I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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