we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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