Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
