Tell her she can't have a vagina
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize