okay pat passed out under dana's car
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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