you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize