so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
