Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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