All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
