If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
