Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
