I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
