i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
