well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
