so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
