when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
i now understand why vodka
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
