evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
