y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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