is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
