why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
im holly from the hills drunk
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
