First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
