Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
