Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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