My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
