Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
