you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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