Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
