I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
