I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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