dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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