cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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