Barsexuality is the new black.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
