Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
