I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
