Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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