He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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