My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
