I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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