Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
