I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
