suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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