I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
