Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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