well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
