I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
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